so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
