Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
dude. I can hear the air.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
