forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
