My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
