You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
