I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
