Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
