I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I woke up under a house in Key West
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