that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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