the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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