How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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