see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
