Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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