I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
