I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
