Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
