no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
