I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
