Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
