So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
