sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
