you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
