Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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