I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
