his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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