allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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