You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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