So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
