U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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