what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
