I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
