You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
