i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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