How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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