I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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