Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
