We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
