Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
