wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
