yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
