I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
All I want is dick and wine.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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