That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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