i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
