someone owes me an orgasm
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
