Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
