she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
