the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
