I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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