I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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