I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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