So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
