Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
