so explain again why im purple
no
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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