She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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