ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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