youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
