My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
