she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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